EXPOSED: The Night Three Beatles Got Plastered at Slowhand's Wedding (And Why Lennon Really Stayed Away)

As Eric Clapton tied the knot with George's ex-wife Pattie Boyd in 1979, three-quarters of the Fab Four reunited for a champagne-fuelled performance that one witness called "absolute rubbish"

• Three Beatles - Paul, George and Ringo - performed together for the first time since 1969, delivering what Wings guitarist Denny Laine described as an "absolute rubbish" set

• John Lennon's absence wasn't just about geography - new evidence suggests he was deliberately avoiding a potentially awkward reunion during his 'househusband' period

• The tangled web of relationships included Clapton stealing Harrison's wife, Harrison having an affair with Ringo's wife, and enough partner-swapping to make a Mormon blush

Right then, gather 'round you lot, and let me tell you about the night that three-quarters of the greatest band in history made complete berks of themselves at the most awkward wedding since Henry VIII married Catherine of Aragon (and we all know how that turned out).

Picture the scene: It's 1979, and Eric "Slowhand" Clapton is getting hitched to Pattie Boyd, who just happens to be George Harrison's ex-missus. If that sounds like the setup for a Whitehall farce, wait until you hear about the reception.

Now, before we dive into this gloriously messy affair, we need to understand the Byzantine complexity of the Clapton-Harrison-Boyd triangle. It's the sort of thing that would make even the writers of Coronation Street throw up their hands and say, "Nah, too far-fetched, mate."

Let's rewind to 1964 when young Eric first encountered the Beatles at the Hammersmith Odeon. There he was, this blues purist with the Yardbirds, probably sneering at all the screaming girls while secretly wishing he could write something as catchy as "She Loves You." Little did he know he'd end up nicking one of their wives and becoming the fifth Beatle (well, one of about 47 fifth Beatles, if we're counting).

Clapton and Harrison struck up an unlikely friendship, leading to Eric playing that searing guitar solo on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - though if he'd known what was coming, he might have made it weep a bit harder. He also contributed to "Happiness is a Warm Gun," though given subsequent events, perhaps "Happiness is Your Mate's Wife" would have been more appropriate.

The whole saga really kicked off when Clapton fell head over Cuban heels for Pattie Boyd, Harrison's wife. He even wrote "Layla" about her, which must have made for some awkward listening sessions at Apple Records. Imagine sitting there with your wife while your best mate plays a song about how much he wants to shag her. Even by the standards of the late '60s, that's a bit rich.

But here's where it gets properly bonkers. Harrison not only forgave Clapton but seemed to treat the whole thing as if his mate had borrowed his lawnmower without asking. "No worries, Eric, just return her with a full tank of petrol." This was the same George who was supposedly so uptight about Paul McCartney suggesting he play his guitar parts differently that he briefly quit the band in 1969. The mind boggles.

Speaking of partner-swapping, our George wasn't exactly sitting at home reading the Bhagavad Gita every night. He had a bit of how's-your-father with Maureen Starkey, Ringo's wife, which rather puts a different spin on that whole "All Things Must Pass" album title, doesn't it? One imagines Ringo was less than impressed, though given the general atmosphere of the time, he probably just added it to the list of things to discuss with his therapist in 1985.

So, back to this wedding reception. There they were: Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr, probably three sheets to the wind, attempting to remember how to play "Sgt. Pepper" while Mick Jagger and Elton John watched from the safety of their tables. It must have been like watching your dad's band at a family wedding, except your dad happened to write "Yesterday."

The absence of John Lennon has often been attributed to him being in New York, busy baking bread and looking after Sean. But let's be honest - this is the same John Lennon who flew to Africa on a moment's notice because some bloke told him he could cure his smoking through hypnosis. If he'd wanted to be there, he'd have been there.

The truth is, by 1979, Lennon was deep into his househusband period, having swapped writing songs about revolution for making sure Sean ate his vegetables. The idea of watching his former bandmates muddle through "Get Back" while celebrating Eric Clapton's marriage to George's ex-wife probably sounded about as appealing as another session with Phil Spector.

The performance itself was, by all accounts, exactly what you'd expect from three extremely successful musicians who hadn't played together in a decade and had consumed what we can only assume was enough alcohol to float the QE2. Denny Laine - who, let's remember, was in Wings, so he knows a thing or two about watching Paul McCartney perform - called it "absolute rubbish."

But perhaps that's missing the point. Here were three Beatles, on stage together for the first time since the rooftop concert in '69, celebrating the marriage of their mate to an ex-wife of one of them, while probably wondering if they should have rehearsed at least once. It's the kind of situation that could only have happened in the 1970s, when everything was brown, including most people's decision-making.

The whole affair serves as a perfect metaphor for the post-Beatles era: messy, complicated, slightly embarrassing, but ultimately human. These weren't just the gods of the '60s anymore; they were blokes making a hash of a wedding performance, just like any other group of middle-aged men who used to be in a band together.

And what of Clapton in all this? Well, he got the girl (for a while), kept his friendship with Harrison (somehow), and managed to get three Beatles to perform at his wedding (badly). Not bad for a guy who started out trying to keep the blues pure and ended up in the middle of a soap opera that would have made Dallas look restrained.

As for that performance of "Sgt. Pepper," "Get Back," and "Lawdy Miss Clawdy," no recordings exist, which is probably for the best. Some things, like your dad's dancing at a wedding or three Beatles playing their greatest hits while sloshed, are better left to imagination and increasingly unreliable memory.

In the end, maybe John had the right idea. Sometimes the best reunion is the one you don't attend, especially when it involves your former bandmate playing at the wedding of the man who pinched his wife. Even by Beatles standards, that's a bit too much karma for one evening.